Caregiving typically starts slowly with you possibly running your loved one to the store or doctor so they don’t have to drive. This role morphs into larger responsibilities such as taking over bill paying and other financial aspects. As health and mental capacity declines, you (the caregiver) end up providing help with personal tasks such as toilet trips, grooming, assistance in eating and more.

The only way to avoid being a caregiver in any way is to have no ties with anyone, having no one to depend on you. Usually, this doesn’t happen so at some point, you will be a caregiver to someone (or even something). Luckily, if you are new to the whole “being responsible for someone else” thing, there are resources you can tap into for help. You just have to know where to start looking.

If you find yourself starting to stop by your loved one’s home more often to cut their lawn or clean their house, you are a caregiver. When you play chauffeur and take them out so they do not have to drive, you are a caregiver. Moving your loved one into your home to avoid placing them in a nursing home means you are a caregiver.

While you may do a lot for your loved one, you can still always use more help in the caregiving process as you will need a break at some point. You can look to 24 hour respite care or even part-time companionship. Other family members can help in the caregiving process too. For more serious health conditions, hospice care may be available. Even if you cannot be with your loved one 24/7, you are still the caregiver because you are finding every avenue possible to ensure they are cared for and treated well.

There are a number of parts in the caregiving process but the most common ones are assisting in showering or bathing as well as grooming. Aid in dressing and going to the bathroom are also near the top of the list of things your loved one would likely need the most help with. Chores that need mental acuity such as taking medications at the right dosage and time or paying bills on time play a big part too.

Did you know that a little more than half of all adults who need care are seniors over 65 years of age? That is quite mind-boggling! Of that number, only a small percentage stays in a nursing facility or some other type of institutional care. This means there are many adult caregivers out there who perform tasks for a loved one for just a few hours a week to full time in-house care. These figures say many people do not realize they are caregivers. They believe they are just doing their familial duty. Just ask yourself

The primary source of contention between siblings can be traced back to the roles that each person played in the family dynamics. Because the caregiving decision can be hard, this brings out old fights, tensions and unsettled grievances among the siblings. The ailing parent can no longer play referee and soothe hurt feelings so old wounds and rivalries re-emerge. It is quite normal for those old childhood roles to resurface but the problem is that they will bring even more contention to the caregiving table and cause undue stress on the parent who is ill.

Another issue arises that also adds to the tension of siblings when determining the best caregiving options for an ailing parent. Denial plays a big part of sibling dissention when at least one sibling refuses to face the facts of their parent’s health and need for additional assistance. When faced with a parent’s illness, they are unable to accept and believe in the reality of the situation so they disassociate themselves totally from the equation. They will refuse to be a part of the caregiving decisions as a way to protect their own self from the fact that their parent may eventually die and no longer be there for them. The other siblings in tune with the situation may react in anger and resentment.

Sometimes, the majority of caregiving duties fall upon one sibling in particular. This situation often breeds contention amongst siblings because of the imbalanced distribution of caregiving responsibilities. Perhaps one sibling lives closest to the ill parent and while others may work or live farther away or maybe that sibling is perceived as having fewer obligations than the rest so the duties fall to them. Regardless of how this imbalance of responsibilities comes into play, the primary sibling caregiver can start feeling resentful and taken advantage of by the others. They may also feel overextended physical, mentally and emotionally and need a break.

These feelings of dissention among siblings regarding caregiving for the parent is nothing new but resolving these disagreements can be tough. Ignoring the situation does not work and putting off anything only adds to the problem. Here are some things you can try to get things done:

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It is also important to remember that since you are caring for a loved one that you have lots of feelings and emotional reactions wound up in the caregiving process.  If you find yourself thinking that you should be able to be a full-time caregiver like some professional caregivers are, remember that the emotions that you are dealing with make it much more difficult and draining than it is for an anonymous person to be a caregiver for a terminally ill patient.

The emotions that a caregiver has when a loved one is facing death can be debilitating. Nowadays, most doctors will advise the people who will be the primary caregivers for a terminally ill person to go see a mental health professional.  Taking the doctor up on this advice is not a weakness, in fact, far from it!  The way you can best care for your ill loved one is to be in good physical and mental condition.  The healthier you are, the more able you are to take good care of someone.

There are important things to remember when you are taking care of a loved one.  Most caregivers focus on the needs of the ill person and ignore their own needs.  In many cases, this strategy works for a while before snowballing violently out of control.  Remember to eat healthily and often enough so that you have energy and high immune resistance.  Get plenty of sleep and if you are suffering from insomnia or another sleep disorder because your thoughts are disturbed by your loved one’s health, you should see a doctor about it immediately.  The more it gets out of control, the less able to take care of your loved one you will become.

Make time for yourself.  This includes both getting some exercise and also getting some times for quiet activities such as listening to music, doing yoga, taking a bath or writing in a journal.  Another good way to take time for yourself is to have phone conversations or online chats in order to get your mind off your loved one’s illness.  If everyone you call only wants to talk about the health of your loved one, try playing games online instead.  Your mind has to be cleared every so often in order to stay firm.

Seeking out a support group for caregivers can also produce excellent results.  Not only can professionals and doctors help you through this difficult time, but also being in contact with other people who are going through exactly the same thing as you are going through can have a beneficial effect.  Whether you join an online group or you join a local group’s meetings, it can be therapeutic to bond with other caregivers.  The realization that you are not the only one who is angry and saddened to lose a loved one to illness can do wonders for your state of mind.  Seek out a support group or contact people through your church or seniors center.  Whatever you do, don’t isolate yourself in order to take care of your loved one 24 hours a day. You should soak up time together, but not to the point that you have a breakdown.  Keeping yourself in a healthy state will ensure that when your loved one does pass away that you will have spent the last period of their life happy and healthy, together.