Rainbow asked:
My mother and I live in the same city with my father and my other brothers and sisters live far away. We are usually close but are now having conflicts regarding caregiving. My mother and I are both doing the day to day stuff while they only see my father maybe once or twice a year. They try to make decisions regarding his driving, etc. and we don’t agree. We think they’re being too pushy. How to resolve this?
caregiving
You all need to get together for some serious discussion about this. You have to decide who’s going to be in charge.
Thorough Introduction to Caregiving
Sorry to hear that you are in that position of taking care of your father. I have been there and it is harder than some might think. It was hard enough taking care of my father and then on top of it dealing with my family and sister. She always told me that there was something that I should be doing that I wasn’t. I know this probably wasn’t the best way to put it but I told her that if she felt she could do things better then she should come and help and not just talk from the sidelines, she didn’t agree with what I did on many occasions but until the day he died my husband and I took care of his every need.
Just hang in there it was hard for me not to seek the approval of my family in what i was doing, i wanted to have them behind me and backing me because of the severity of what was going on in my life.
But I realized in the end that what I was doing was the right thing.
Working in Nursing for a few years before moving my father to where I lived made things easier for me also, and from the help of the local aging agency here did too. Best thing is if you are unsure call them about things they are there to help you and your loved ones as long as they are over 50 I believe.
Caregiving Overview for Caregivers
I don’t envy you. This is an extremely difficult part of life that often tears families apart. I’ve seen it over and over again within my own family, as grandparents passed away. The greatest advice I could give:
Sit down with all family members if at all possible. Let them see your father for themselves, so that they have a better understanding of his condition & deterioration. Give them full opportunity to be a part of care-giving, so they earn respect & the will to work issues out together, as a team. You may need to let go of the strings a little bit, to prevent gripes and resentment from growing.
It isn’t easy- no matter what side you’re on. Try to remind yourself of that whenever you get frustrated by their lack of understanding. Work very hard to initiate regular meetings (over the phone) to let everyone know how your father is doing. How he’s progressed, ideas, etc. Maybe once a month? Don’t hesitate to let your siblings know if and when you do need help. Best of luck to your family!