When it becomes clear that a family member requires care, it can be a daunting position to. Too often, when faced with this prospect, families tend to allow one family member to take the lead – and most of the burden – and then step away. This is way too much pressure for one person to be under, plus it can cause resentment with the rest of the family members and compromise the care the patient is given.
Instead of letting things get to this point, when someone in your family becomes ill, take the important first step to have a family meeting to discuss the care options on the table.
Working together to come up with a plan will ease the collective burden and keep resentment to a minimum.
This meeting is a very important one, and you should plan for as you would any important business meeting. First, you have to decide who needs to be included in the meeting. In some cases, this may simply be siblings and maybe a parent, and in other cases, a large gathering of extended family members may also be involved. Sometimes, close friends of the family are included, and if you have hired someone to help with care, usually that person is included as well.
These decisions are very personal to individual families and really depend on your family relationship. The one thing to consider, however, is that you may not want the patient there. You should give them an active role in their own care, but during this meeting, everyone should be free to voice their worries about taking on the role of caregiver as well as their concerns about the health of the patient.
Once you have decided who will be included in the meeting, you should plan in advance all of the things that need to be discussed. Providing care for someone is a tremendous responsibility. You will need to figure out who is able to take on the on the role of caring for the patient, who is in the best position to contribute financially, where the patient will live, and more. Now can be the time to work out a schedule if caring duties are to be shared, and now is also the time to find out who is able to take time off of work or away from their own lives, and exactly how much time they have to give. Making these decisions as a group is extremely important, as everyone will appreciate feeling involved and the person or people who are left to do the actual hands on caring will feel as though they have a strong support network.
A seemingly innocuous factor that can have a lot of bearing on this meeting is where you decide to hold it. If tensions are high between any family members, then the idea of “neutral ground” can become an important one. Having the meeting in a restaurant or coffee shop is fine, as long as everyone feels comfortable voicing their opinions there. Make sure wherever you have the meeting that you will be able to concentrate completely and not have to run after children, pets and so on.
After you have had your initial meeting and come up with a basic idea of how you will manage the care giving burden, you may want to have another meeting, this time with the patient. Let them know what you think is a good plan and let them voice their opinion. It is important for them to be active in their own care, but it is also important for everyone else to make sure they don’t feel guilty for needing the help. A joint meeting once your plan is in place can help lead to a smooth transition into providing care.
