1.  Your once vibrant dad is now being plagued with a lot of little health problems, nothing earth-shattering or life-threatening – but enough to hamper his lifestyle.

2.  You find your loved one’s bank statements and unpaid bills laying on their desk unopened when they were once really diligent about paying on time.

3.  Loss of interest in the hobbies or regular socializing your loved one normally does. Perhaps your elderly dad’s workshop has not been opened in a while or that weekly card game has now become a thing of the past.

4.  Regular household chores are not being done such as mowing the lawn, washing dishes or fixing a leak in the sink.

5.  There is not an adequate food supply present to feed your ailing parent or they become inattentive when cooking or baking, burning food.

6.  Grooming has become slack and your once polished parent is now a bit disheveled.

7.  Being distracted and inattentiveness in your loved one are also signs that you may soon become a caregiver.

If you feel that your parent may almost be ready for a caregiver, talk with them about it. Involve your aging parents in the process so they have some input in their own care. Of course, if there is some cognitive impairment in your parent, it is still important to include them in the decision-making. This will make them feel included and not so isolated about their situation. Help them navigate the internet on the computer so they can read for themselves the positive benefits of caregiving.

Once your role as caregiver is inevitable, create a job description so you know what to expect from yourself and get your loved one’s input as they will be the recipient of this care. Get other family members, friends and neighbors lined up and on board to serve stand-by for those times when you need help. If you do not have much of a support system, look into local home health care agencies or companions, depending on your loved one’s needs. Be sure to stick to the guidelines you set up for yourself and respect your time off because you will need it to recharge your internal batteries.

You do not have to shoulder the burden of caregiving alone. Check with the AAA, the Area Agency on Aging and look for a local office. They and many other entities like them can provide you with leads on home companions, nursing assistance and even assisted living facilities or adult day care. Know what your options are now before immersing yourself in the caregiving role.

If possible, involve your aging parent in your caregiving decisions. If you plan to use an adult day care, take them on a tour of the facility to ensure there will be enough activities to keep them engaged. Interviewing for a home health care nurse, allow your parent to meet with the interviewee. This will give you a chance to see how well they would interact together.

Find a positive spin for all of these caregiving changes in your aging parent’s life. If a companion is coming to the home to help cook and clean, tell your parent that now they don’t have to worry about those two chores, they have more time to visit with friends or indulge in a favorite pastime. All in all, the most important thing you can do is involve your loved one. Of course screen all possibilities first to weed out the chafe but take into consideration your loved one’s opinions. After all, they are the recipient of your caregiving efforts and should have a positive experience.

These feelings are natural, and you can usually avoid them, or at least mitigate the damages, with proper communication. Usually, simply making sure that all siblings are involved in the decision making process when it comes to the care of a parent can be all that is needed to keep everyone actively involved and make them feel like they have an important and valuable role to play.

Sometimes, there are feelings of frustration both on your part and theirs which is understandable. They do not wish to be incapacitated and you do not wish to lose your patience but it does happen. However, there are some things you can do to try and reduce the stress both you and your loved one feel during these times of communication.

Grab their attention first. With mental impairment, your loved one may become confused if there is too much background noise or there is another presence in the room. Use their first name, term of endearment (Sweetie or Dear) or relationship (such as Dad or Mom) and pause for a moment. You may have to repeat yourself until they hear your voice and turn to look at you. Before you continue to speak, make sure they are engaged with you.

Speak clearly and concisely. You will want to be face to face with them at eye level when you talk with them. If they can look into your eyes and see your lips moving, they are more apt to clue into what you are saying. Of course, make sure you enunciate your words, being careful not to slur. Never occupy your hands with another task or look around when talking to your loved one. They will lose concentration and interest quickly otherwise.

Break up your message into short statements. Just like with young children, adults with cognitive impairment may not be able to process a statement with several directives in it. Instead, you need to break down each action and present them one by one. This may seem rather curt and could even be interpreted as rudeness by your loved one so temper each statement with “please” and “thank you.”

Do not raise your voice to be heard. This can startle or scare your loved one. Instead, move closer to them, taking care to respect their personal space.

Do not order or talk at them. Instead, formulate your wording to make it seem they are doing you a favor by cooperating. Ask them for help instead of telling them what to do. For example, “Can you move your cane so I can walk without tripping?” or “Please come to the dinner table; it is time to eat.”

Be sure to take the time to listen. Just because your loved one may have some type of mental impairment does not mean they have nothing to contribute to a conversation. You may have to help them when they have trouble coming up with words to something. Occasionally they may know exactly what they are talking about but forget the word for TV or dog. There may be some charades thrown in to get a point across but that is the whole point

Having this conversation with your parents before it becomes an issue can save you so much trouble and heartache down the line. This conversation allows you to make important plans that will ensure you parents and you get the care you need and want if one of your parents needs someone to take care of them.

Many people do avoid this conversation – in fact, many people wait until it is too late and the parent already requires care before they make any decisions. This can be a determinant for a number of reasons. When the parent gets to the point where they require care, they are usually past the point in which they can get actively involved about making decisions about their own care. This means that they may not get what they want, and it also means that the caregiver has to deal with the guilt that they are guessing about what their parent would want and that they may not be meeting their needs. Also, if you want to have this conversation, your parent may be too sick by the time you start providing care to give you the information that you need to look after them in the best way possible.

If you do decide to have this conversation while your parent is healthy, there are several questions you need to consider. The first one is what kind of care your parent wants. You have to relent to their wishes here, even if it may be hard for you. Some parents may say that they wish to be put in a nursing home even though they would really like to stay in their house because they don’t wish to be a burden. Encourage them to be honest with you about their wants, and you reply with the same honesty. Could you provide full time care for your parents if needed? At what point would you need help? Would you be willing to help your parents with their personal hygiene needs? This may all depend greatly on the kind of relationship you have with your parents. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Now is the time for honest planning.

During this conversation, you also need to find out important information from your parents. You need to know where all of their records are, you need to learn their social security numbers, you need to know their doctors’ names, their medical conditions and allergies, and anything else you think would help you care for your parents should the need arise. Remember that once your parent needs care it may not be possible for them to give you this info, so now is the time. You might even consider getting a power of attorney document drawn up the specifics that you are eligible to sign documents and conduct financial transactions for them if their health is compromised. You will also need to know their wishes for their funeral so you can carry them out.

These conversations are never fun and bring up all kinds of feelings for everyone involved. These uncomfortable feelings now, however, are usually a price worth paying. Ending up with a parent that requires care without any idea of how they wished to be treated and how to handle their affairs is an extreme burden. Face the uncomfortable conversation now to give you both peace of mind about the future.